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Heart

March 16, 2011

When I was in my early teens, I was a bit of an eco-warrior.  I wanted to save the world. My pliable little mind was shaped by all those early 90s cartoons, with strong environmentalist themes.  I still know all the lyrics to all the songs from Ferngully.

I was also enamoured with Captain Planet.  They were kids!  Fighting the good fight!  They actually got to hang out with cool animals and travel the world in search of adventure and glory and OMG, THEY HAVE A THEME SONG!!!  Go kid power!

However, even to my young mind, it seemed that perhaps one of the Planeteers got short-changed in the awesomeness department:

Lulwhut?

The other Planeteers got WIND!  FIRE!  EARTH!  WATER!  And Ma-Ti (the Planeteer whom I most resembled) got freaking HEART?!?

You tell 'em, Jean-Luc

HEART!  Which allows him to….  talk to animals…..  and……  his team mates…….  and helps him get kidnapped……. a lot…….  Yeeeaaaaaahhhhh, I feel sorry for you, kid.

Yet, I think I might’ve gotten a bit of insight into Ma-Ti’s powers this afternoon.

Today, when I logged onto Facebook (you know where this is going, dear reader), I saw (waaaait for iiiiit) another (if you guessed “pregnancy announcement”, give yourself 100 000 cookies and a bottle of bourbon!) pregnancy announcement.  A really good friend is 6 weeks along.  She’s beyond thrilled.

This set off a storm of emotions in my heart.  Pain, yes, but an overwhelming happiness for her and her husband.  A smidgen of jealousy, I’ll be honest, and a heaping pile of fear.  She’s announcing this pregnancy at 6 weeks!  SIX WEEKS!  Doesn’t she know what can happen between now and the EDD?  What happens if she has to post another FB status update saying “we lost our baby”?  What then?

Once that initial panic for her wore off, I did some thinking.  You see, the heart is a muscle.  A muscle that works really hard, all day long, your whole life.  While you sleep, while you climb trees, while you make love, while you cross the street, while you dance, while you sing, while you laugh, while you learn, while you cry – it beats.  All that beating, and pulsing, and pushing and pulling of blood makes it one tough motherfucker, kinda like Shaft, but you know, smaller.  I was amazed at how much my heart held at that moment.

Yes, I’m bitter, and angry.  There’s no getting around that.  Those emotions sit in my chest like stones.  There is also enough room for love, and hope and kindness there, too.  That’s not going to change.  Some days, I might have to look a bit harder, but they will still be there.

The heart truly is an awesome power.

I’m just not sure how good it would be against ivory poachers.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 17, 2011 5:52 pm

    first off – I read this post just before going off to my yoga class and had the captain planet theme song stuck in my head the entire time. (he’s our hero! gonna take pollution down to zero!).
    Second –
    well, that was beautifully written.
    that is all. 🙂

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